I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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