so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
