Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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