Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
