Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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