I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
