You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We left the knife in your bed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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