I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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