after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We left the knife in your bed.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
