woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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