Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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