I wish I could punch you in the face.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
