The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize