I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
