i'm signing you up for texting rehab
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Randomize
