Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
