My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
