thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is it penis luge time yet?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
