it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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