Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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