I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
