new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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