i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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