I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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