we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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