we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
me + whiskey = a bad person
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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