we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
