We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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