Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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