Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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