Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
