Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
