Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can I color on your dick again?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
