how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
