Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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