he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
