porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
