last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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