I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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