yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize