its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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