It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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