Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
