I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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