So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
