Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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