Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
