We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The best revenge is premature balding
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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