I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
