did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This house was built for laser tag.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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