I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
COCAINE IS GR8
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
