around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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