some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
