and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize