I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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