are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
