She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
