her vagine was all disorganized.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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