I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
