life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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