so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's always time for handjobs
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
