Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
