it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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