I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
