dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
