I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
