I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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