U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
